From the upcoming sequel to The Longest Night, here’s a snippet of the product of edit round #1:
"My daughter happens to be a wonderful girl, Ray." Eleanor’s smile put Ray in mind of a shark. A hungry one. "You should consider yourself very, very lucky to have met her."
"I do." That, at least, was an honest, complete answer.
Eleanor stopped at the corner where Michelle had disappeared. “Then you understand that if you hurt her feelings, Ray, I will do everything in my power to drag you to Arizona and make sure the last creatures to see you alive are the coyotes and—”
And by the way, as of oh-shit-a-m on Sunday, April 13, it looks like Amazon.com has The Longest Night on sale for $5.38 Kindle, $5.05 paperback! :)
Joseph L. Mankiewicz (x)
This is absolutely true, and this is why it’s so valuable to read your dialog aloud. Use contractions. Find the rhythm of each character’s speech. And when your characters are talking, have them make mistakes. Assume things. Tell lies. It’s dialog, not a dissertation. Make it “real” for the readers.
one of the profoundest regrets of my life is that i’ve never been abducted from my bed by some eldritch fey creature to be his unholy bride and carried off in his arms into the night on a black steed swathed in his black cloak with my hair streaming in the wind
what more does a girl have to do to be an ingénue in a dark gothic fairytale? REALLY. i ask you.
I’ll bet the eldritch fey creature is waiting in the shadows outside your house, just waiting for proper consent. Eldritch fey creatures are way more polite than frat boys, after all.
Plus it wouldn’t want to take you without giving you time to pack a toothbrush. Life without a toothbrush is definitely not romantic!